Broken

i'm broken

destroyed

dying

i don't know why i can't speak
even when i'm not near you
i don't know why whenever i look at you
i feel like a hindrance
another thing just blocking your way

everything suddenly seems harder to do
i can't sleep
think
i don't even know why i still breathe

i really don't know how long i can do this for
things will never change
whatever feelings you even had for me
will slowly just fade

i can't really do anything, but just sit here. turning to dust. missing you. wanting to be with you. i don't know why i stay. missing you. waiting for the day that will never come. when you say i love you too. i really am pathetic even to think that for once maybe just this one time, i could be happy. unfortunately for me, my happiness will never come.

Happiness

comes with doubt
although its supposed to disappear
it strengthens
leaving you on edge
waiting for something to push you over the edge
i hope
i pray
i wish
for my happy ending to come
things are changing
what little can i do but wonder
if what's happening is true
is me going to forever be with you
i love you
can't you see dummy
i love you

and i never want you to leave

Nothing

i feel absolutely nothing
nothing
nothing left to do
only to wait until
i turn to nothing

I wish the cold blood
that runs through my veins
would slowly stop
until my heart is nothing

why feel
when there isn't anything to feel
anything left to do
but sit and realize that what's hapenning
is indeed real

i want things to be different
i really do
but how can it be different
if i don't have you

Nothing
sits here quiet and alone
nothing
no longer sits and waits by the phone
nothing
is who i am
nothing
is who i wish to be

Time passes by

as i sit here
waiting for you to notice me
waiting for a sudden change
waiting for my life to get better

why is it that
everytime you hurt me
i always come running back
always come with a new hope
that maybe things will be different

i still sit here
changing who i am
thinking of solutions
to the character i have become

i put on my mask
try to fake a smile
is it better
if you think that i'm happy?

are things better when
i just leave
stay quiet
quit complaining ?

i think for a while
or maybe for a long time
i will go away
and hope that i don't look back

Am i just a[n]. . .

mistake
something you wish you never had done
something that you deeply regret
something that shouldn't have happened

loser
for hanging one
for trying to believe
for wanting to be with you

idiot
believing your lies
hoping that one day things would be different
wanting something more

nothingness
that should just disappear
that should give up trying
that should forget everything

piece of shit whose life will never amount to anything ?

Borderline insane

I truly am going crazy
yet i don't think i can go back
i don't think i really want to go back

true you can call me crazy
because i stay
even though i don't know the outcome
i wait
even though it seems endless
i love you
even though it seems like you don't care

i don't really know why
i believe that one day
things will change
but for some reason
i feel like maybe that day
is coming closer and closer

wait
is what you tell me
i don't know
is what gives me hope
i just need time
is what makes me think that you are actually considering it

But how about the fact that
i don't think i can wait forever
i do know that i want to be with you
and i don't need time
because i am already at the point
where i know what i want
even if it means the beginning to my downfall

How did i

go from being who i was
to becoming who i am today
i don't get how i became so weak
so small
so dependent
i can't say that i like who i am becoming today
because every single step
every single breath
every single second i have to spend without you
i feel like i am getting smaller
and smaller and smaller
Who knew that i was so stupid
as to believe that one day
i would be a bigger person
if i were by your side
but instead i lay here
tired and alone
slowly growing smaller
and smaller

Life is like. . .

a seesaw.
its goes back and forth.
i don't know where i will end up.
but right now
i know i am on the bottom end.
somebody pick me up
from the ground
that paves my life.
i just can't help
but notice that
without you on the other end
i can't get back to the top.
i just feel like no matter what i do
i am getting closer closer to the edge
closer to the end
i don't know what to do.

Can you make up your mind?

Why is it that
no matter how much has changed
no matter how much time has passed
no matter how many times we go through this
things never change

you say you love me
you say you miss me
you act like you genuinely care
are you for real
or is this just another late night affair?

when do you mean it
when do you ever speak the truth
is there something you aren't telling me
or am i just sitting here
acting like a fool

do you realize
how much i've been through
just to realize
how much i really do like you?

you say you only wanted to make me happy
only because you really do care
then why is it
that every time i try to turn away
you always want me to be there

Can't you just make up your mind
because i don't know how much more i can take
slowly and slowly
i feel myself dying
please don't let me this be another mistake

Am i going to fall again ?

Its weird
How things can either take a turn for the worse
or possibly for the best

Would things be better
If i just sat and watched you leave
If i listened to the truth
If i kept my sanity

Or would things be better
If i believed in the lies
You probably tell me so i won't go crazy
Without you in my life

Which path do i choose
Because even if i tried
I don't think i would ever be able to
get you out of my mind

Because something as little
As feeling the warmth of your body
against mine
Makes life so much easier

But why do i have the feeling that either way i go...i am going to end up falling again ?

Can't you see

i'm here for you
no matter what you decide to do
i may seem like i am avoiding
you, but its only because
you know the truth

i can't help but wonder
if you will ever experience
the same shit
i went through

i can only hope
that everything is out in the open
that everything is true between me and you

i want to be able to look at your face
and not feel a sudden hurt
because one day
i hope that things will get better
even if i'm not with you

I just really hope
That you consider all i've been through

Can't help but

wish
i knew every thought
that crossed you mind

want
for things to be
the way i dreamed
but i know
you don't care
its only me

feel
angry that i let it get this far
sad that things aren't going to chance
confused about why it turned out this way

cry
every time i have to see your face
when i see you happy
when i realize things for you are still good
when i know i feel like shit

realize that things are finally coming to an end

Have you ever wondered

why
you feel as though
you are constantly hanging on
to the idea of something
that will never happen

why
things turn for the worst
as soon as they seem to get
better

why
it is so hard to find
out who you want to be
who you want to become
if you should already know
yourself the best

why
you can't just take the initiative
to go for what you want
who you want

why am i so scared of
doing what i want
when i know the end
when i know nothing good is going to come of this
when things are already fucked up

why am i so scared of. . .
Being Me